Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
