that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
