I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
How external is "for external use only"?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
