I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
