you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize