I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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