Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
