and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize