don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
