"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
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while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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