I want to walk on stilts...naked
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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