My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize