i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize