I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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