I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
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You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
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In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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