She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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