I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
