I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
