I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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