Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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