If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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