Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
