batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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