He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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