I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
