I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
