Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
