I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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