i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
