My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
