if i can run in heels then i can drive
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
