Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So drunk its hurt
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
