I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
