Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
