You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
