on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
