He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
