dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize