google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
what day is it and did you see me today?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
