From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
