just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
