I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
