I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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