I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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