I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
