he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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