I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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