everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
