He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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