we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
do nipples grow back?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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