Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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