Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
