Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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