Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize