this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
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He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
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I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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