I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
